Spertus Museum Bat Mitzvah: Jillian Snow

Before I show the images from the recent Bat Mitzvah of Jillian Snow I shot in January, I do want to take a walk down memory lane and share with you some thoughts and pictures from my own Bar Mitzvah.  Yes, twenty-six years ago.  

While I don't recall much from the year-long studying, the actual ceremony, nor the reception, looking back at the pictures stowed in my closet do bring back vivid memories filled with emotions from my early teen-age years.

It was an awkward experience.  While I was active in Wednesday & Sunday school at the synagogue, I felt alienated from the other Jewish kids.  They all seemed to have unusually close relations with their parents, studied hard, got fantastic grades, were obedient, often traveled to Israel and even lived there on Kibbutzim and studied in Ulpans.  

I did not match any of those.  I recall a sense of betrayal standing at the bimah in front of God, the Rabbi, my family and attendees.  I have struggled with this issue most of my life.  I think everyone has at least one empty spot in their souls.

This is mine. 

Rabbi Freeman and me.

 

My parents, Jill & Steve Weinstein

 

My grandfather, Alvin Block, and cousin Lynn Weinstein

 

My grandmother Ruth Block and my mother, Jill Weinstein.

 

For those of you who personally know me, now you know the craziness comes from genetics.

 

But really, this is where it all began.  With my grandmother's wig in Seattle.

In the late 90s, I applied for a grant to study and document the ill-absorption of Ethiopian Jews in Israel since Operation Solomon in 1991.  The proposal was chosen, and I had the backing of the American Federation of Jewish Culture in Manhattan, The O.O. McIntyre Foundation as well as sponsorship of Nikon, Inc. in Melville, New York.  I planned everything.  I had the passport together, but I grappled with traveling there for 1 year and then returning home to the States, or moving to Israel under the Law of Return.  

Absorption laws in Israel are fantastic with generous aid and assistance to move, settle and start a new life.  But laying the groundwork for my Aliyah was scary.  After planning for 9 months, I got a call from a newspaper in Chicago about a job opening.  They flew me out for 5 days of intensive interviews and shooting tests.  Shortly thereafter, they offered me the job.  Because I was nearing 30, I felt it was a better opportunity to settle down with a newspaper instead of running around from one grant to another.  In other words, I took the easier, softer way.    

So, once again, my dream of going to Israel was put on the back burner.

Ten years later, I am still in Chicago.  I promised myself I would make it to Israel before I turn 40.  But now time is ticking.  I have about 14 months left to figure this one out.

And while I might not make it by 40, I know one day I will get there.  And maybe one day, I will stop feeling so alienated from my own religion.  But I have a feeling that will require me to let go and accept myself as a Jew and stop comparing myself to others.  

Jillian Snow's Mitzvah forced me to think about these insecurities as well as my own aging.  While photographing a gaggle of tweens and teens, I recalled my own photographer 26 years ago.  I thought he was old, creepy and I felt sad for him.

Twenty-six years later, in January, I was that man.

Jillian Snow

January 12, 2010
Spertus Institute of Jewish Studies; Chicago, IL
Second Shooter: Chadd Foy

 

Bat Mitzvah Ceremony: Spertus Institute of Jewish Studies; Chicago, IL
Reception: Spertus Institute of Jewish Studies; Chicago, IL
Flowers: Kehoe Designs
Lighting and Decor: Kehoe Designs
Second Shooting: Chadd Foy